Faith Beginnings
by q-siam
Summary: Mary finds faith. Oneshot


It's not an easy life. Not for anyone.

Mary had spent a majority of her life blaming God for the way she had to live. She would see her father dressed like a priest and be reminded of the fact that this was not how a person should have to live.

She had no reason to believe in God, but she kept him in her mind because everything was too painful and somehow it took the burden off her shoulders, made her see her dad in a better light, when she lay in bed at night cursing an absent God.

Things had started looking up though. She had met John. It was the best thing that had happened to her so far and she laid off blaming God for a while.

Her father was against the idea of her marrying. He protested John every chance that he got. Everything was wrong with the kid, and he wasn't even a hunter. He didn't even know.

Mary ignored him, though.

This, she thought, is how a father acts when his little girl starts dating for the first time (and about time, too. Mary had spent enough of her life feeling ostracized and alone.) and she didn't much care for his opinion anyway. She was leaving, as soon as she could. Maybe she'd run away from this life, start a family. Maybe with John. And without the constant threat hanging over their heads of supernatural dangers but with enough of her knowledge to still keep them safe... Maybe they could live a normal, happy life.

She gave herself over completely to John with these thoughts and images of their future together in her head. She was stupid and forgot to protect herself. Not against ghosts and demons; no, that was drilled into her. She forgot to protect herself the way most teenage girls do when they get wrapped up in emotions.

There were missed periods and there was bloating and it may have even gotten far enough that there was morning sickness, too, but all she could think about was how her dad couldn't know.

John found out, though. She hadn't told him, but he knew, somehow.

He promised her a future. He said he wouldn't leave her and that they could start their life now. Yeah, it was a little earlier than expected but it was everything they wanted.

Deanna found out, too. Mary had done her best to keep quiet in the house, not to let anything slip, but there are some things a mother just knows about her daughter. Mary spent hours crying into her mother's shoulder, arms gripping her tightly, fending off anything that could hurt her.

Except that they hadn't.

Mary woke up one night and ran to the bathroom. She was sick, and dizzy and couldn't stop crying long enough to make out the blood that had mixed in with the vomit in the toilet but she knew, knew it was there, knew what it meant. The loss weighed heavy on her back, forcing her head against the porcelain as she sobbed, kept sobbing as she was taken into her father's chest and warm, understanding embrace.

After that, for the first time in her life, Mary went to a church without any motivation but salvation. Hope. Forgiveness. She plead silently from the pews that this wouldn't ruin her life; her father's trust, her relationship with John.

Her faith, her firm belief in the absence of the Lord was shaken then and she couldn't understand why.

She realized how much she took everything for granted. She cherished what little she had from that day on.

The day her parents died was the first day she ever picked up a bible. In John's house, near his bed was a small, pocket-sized bible and she held it close to her heart as John held her close to his.

The tears stopped sometime near midnight and she looked up to see John's sleeping, peaceful face and thanked the Lord.

She read the bible, then, and prayed every night.

When she woke up one morning and felt something move inside her, she knew without the pregnancy test that this was a second chance. She held her stomach protectively, afraid to let go, arms sore when she finally did, nine months later.

When she looked down at her baby, and later when she pictured his face as she sorted through items at a baby specialty store, she felt two sides of herself warring.

She'd always planned to protect her kids with her knowledge. She wanted a normal life, but she wanted that life to be safe and peaceful. She considered making homemade baby supplies, talismans and charms built in so that the little blond bundle of life wouldn't have anything to worry about. But then she saw it: angels dangling from a motorized metal halo.

A smile graced her lips.

As she hung up the mobile later that night, she bent over to lay gentle kisses on her babies forehead, promising she'd keep him safe.

She told him, "Angels are watching over you."


End file.
